Full Scale War Russia Georgia

The same day as the Olympic Games started, with intention to bring peace between all nations worldwide, a full war between Georgia and Russia has started. Early this morning Russia bombed the city Tbilisi, and thousands of people are fleeing into the mountains to seek protection from the falling bombs. 90 % of the victims in the war between Russia and Georgia, mainly taking part in South Otessia, are civil people.

When Georgia became independent from Russia in 1991, The Republic of South Ossetia broke free from Georgia and became an independent state. The Republic is now living from Russian help and are receiving protection from Russia. Georgia has been in conflict with South Ossetia since 1989, causing the death of many innocent people. They don’t want to loose Ossetia to the Russians, not when they have, finally, become free of the Soviet Union. Russia doesn’t like that. But there are much more things that Russia doesn’t like. For instance the fact that they can’t control the gas and oil resources of Georgia. Experts calls it the new Cold War.

Whoever the good guy or the bad guy is in this conflict, it is awful that a full scale war is taking place only a few hours from Sweden, without many people even knowing about it. A girl at my work is devastated because she can’t get a hold of her relatives living in Tbilisi. They have been missing since early Saturday morning, the day after the Russian bombs first fell over the area. She is also not allowed to leave Russia plus that it is anyway not possible to enter Georgia via Russia at the moment. Her relatives? No sign.

St. Petersburg feels like a world away, but I know it’s not…. And I think it's bullshit to say that the Russian bear is sleeping.

Keep on rockin in the free world

Imagine yourself having a slight, very slight but still, hangover. Imagine yourself driving to a very remote part of a large city. Construction, devastation, abandoned houses. Imagine yourself stopping in front of an iron gate. The driver is honking and a guard (smoking, drunker than you were yesterday) is opening a door next to the gate, takes a quick look at you, nods and the gates slowly opens. The car can enter. Now imagine that the gates close behind you, and what you see inside the walls is like a squatter camp; small garages/houses built out of sheet metal, concrete, wood. Graffiti, trash, you name it. But this isn’t a place where people live. This is where the Russians keep there belongings, like an extra room to their apartments in the city. During the Soviet era all citizens were given a small apartment, a small piece of land outside the city, dutcha, and a small garage or storing place. And at one of all these storing places we have just arrived. The guys in the car starts to unload bags and instruments from the car. They take the lock of when of the metal doors and opens. It’s pitch dark inside but it smells like very old sneakers and cigarettes. We enter, someone switches on the light. There are two rooms. The first one is filled with stuff, instruments, computers, garbage, beer bottles. If you open another metal door you enter a sound (and air) isolated room, our goal: the recording studio. The bands get ready, smokes 200 cigarettes in the first room. ALL of us enter the “studio” and the guys start playing/singing/screaming. Remember your condition. Imagine the room being only 5x8 meters. Imagine 6 crazy Russians playing very load, and all walls are covered with loudspeakers. Big ones. And they don’t sing Mors lilla Olle, this is Noises- a Russian rock/punk/metal band. The sweat is dripping from the ceiling. Its rocking! Proper Rocking! It’s a normal Sunday in St. Pete!

Solar Eclipse Russia

"The Sun will be completely hidden by the Moon for 2 minutes, 27 seconds (the maximum duration at the greatest eclipse point) beginning at 10:21:08 GMT, in northern Russia"

Wow! The Sun will be gone for like 2 min and 20 sec! I just went out, looking through a cd-disc, and atleast half the sun was covered... volle geil!

The Swedish Language

While being abroad a lot you realize that your own culture isn’t as normal as you once thought. Just as you think that other people do weird stuff, speak funny or are simply being strange, I promise you: They think the same about you. Here are some reflections re the Swedish Language, (written by an English guy), apparently Swedish & Swedes Just crack people up.

The Swedish language:

’Hej’ - the word for hello and good-bye is the same. It’s difficult to know whether people are coming or going.
’Gift’ - the word for married is the same word as for poison. This probably could explain the high divorce rate.
’Sex’ - the word for six is the same as for sex, which gives ’six-pack’ a whole new meaning.
’Oväder’ - the word for stormy weather is, literally translated, ’unweather’. And I would have thought it was very much weather.
’Sambo’ - you live and sleep together with your partner but are not married, well at least not to that particular partner.
’Särbo’ - you sleep with your partner and then go home to your own bed afterwards.
’A-laget’ - in Swedish, the ’A-team’ is a group of hopeless alcoholics hanging outside the state liquor store. Not the kind you’d want in the national basketball team in other words.
’Osvensk’ - the word ’un-Swedish’ mostly has a positive connotation! A recent book review stated ’It’s an exciting thriller, entertaining, has colorful characters, lots of action and imagination and very un-Swedish to name but a few positive qualities’. It’s unbelievable, but true! Can you imagine a Frenchman using the word ’un-French’ as a positive quality?

Swedish English (Swenglish)

Although the Swedes generally have a very good command of the english language, sometimes they just don’t get it right.
’Please take off your clothes and follow me to the whip room.’(Translation: May I take your coat and accompany you to the VIP room)
’She’s away with the VD.’(Translation: She’s away with the Managing Director) (VD =Managing Director)
’His name is Öberg, a zero with two pricks.’(Translation: The letter ’o’ with two dots = ö) (pricks = dots)
’You’ll have to show your leg before entering’(Translation: You’ll have to show identification before entering.) (leg = id)
’Please keep hanging on the line’(Translation: Please continue to hold the line)
’Thank you for the last time’(Translation: Thank you for your hospitality.)
’Can I follow you to the big mess in Stockholm?’(Translation: May I come with you to the large fair in Stockholm?) (mässa = fair )
’He has many balls up in the air’(Translation: He is involved in many different projects.) (att ha bollar i luften = Swedish saying)

A lesson in Swedish

The Swede is a person of few words:

Eng: Excuse me, I didn’t quite catch what you were saying.Swe: Va? (vah?)Literal translation: What?
Eng: Sorry for bumping into you like that. So terribly clumsy of me.Swe: Oj! (oi!)Literal translation: Oh!
Eng: It’s you! How lovely to see you!Swe: Nej, men! (nay men)Literal translation: No, but!
Eng: How are things with you?Swe: Annars? (an ass)Literal translation: Otherwise?
Eng: Excuse me, may I disturb you for a second?Swe: Du Literal translation: You
Eng: Could I have a pint of your best bitter please.Swe: En stor stark Literal translation: A big strong one
Eng: Shall we treat ourselves and indulge in a schnapps?Swe: En liten djävul? (en liten yayvull)Literal translation: A little devil?

However sometimes English is just that bit more concise:

Eng: Mind the gap!Swe: Tänk på avståndet mellan vagn och plattform när ni stiger av.Literal translation: Think of the gap between the carriage and the plattform when you alight.

Swedish girl in St. Petersburg found killed by laundry

Va!? Låg den stackaren död under en hög med tvätt?
Tvättsession á la Anna höll idag på att sluta i en mindre katastrof!
Då jag insåg att mina kläder luktade unk, efter att ha legat i en garderob som inte används sen artonhundratalets mitt, bestämde jag mig för att det var dags att tvätta. Har dragit mig för att tvätta några dagar eftersom min kära tvättmaskin inte har fungerat properly. Tvättmaskinen är finsk, vilket kanske inte är så annorlunda, men även bruksanvisningen och all text på maskinen är skrivet på detta fantastiska språk där man inte kan gissa sig till en enda stavelse (tack, jag har inte alls problem nog med ryskan). Auf jeden fall, då jag har köpt en förlängningsladd på IKEA, som jag skarvat och har bytat ”huvud” på helt själv (!), har jag äntligen fått igång den stackars maskinen. Så jag satte i sladden, la i min tvätt (vilket görs i en seperat plåtboll inne i maskinen som man låser igen med en lös lucka) och satte på något finsk obegripligt program. Sen höll jag tummarna och gick och pratade med mamma i telefon.
Efter en timme lät det som maskinen var klar, men då jag kom till badrummet insåg jag att min lilla hjärna glömt lägga i slangen som tömmer ur vattnet från maskinen i toaletten. Detta hade resulterat i att HELA badrummet stod under typ 10 cm vatten. Yehj! Så jag tar ett stort kliv in i badrummet för att stänga av Pekka Heino maskinen men blir paralyserat stående då min nakna fot nuddar vattenytan. Den jäkla förlängningssladden ligger inte bara ringlandes som en orm på vattenytan: min hemabyggda skarvning av sladdhuvet har också gjort att vattnet andas 1000000 volt vilket i samma sekund som jag nuddar vattenytan går genom hela min kropp! Skakad, minst sagt, chockad, definitivt, och jäkligt stött (!) av skitmaskinen får jag till slut darrande ut sladden ur väggen och kan, efter att ha samlat mig från min elektriska vanvård, börja torka upp de 100 liter vatten som fyller mitt badrum. Inget avlopp, ingen mopp, hakuna matata my ass. Jag frågar mig själv: -Vad är värst? Tvätta lakan i en balja i Botswana eller dö under en ”modern” tvätt i St. Petersburg? Pest eller ko-lera?

Swedish girl in St. Petersburg found killed by laundry
What!? Did the laundry kill the poor bastard?
Today Laundry-session á la Anna was close to end up in a disaster!
After realizing that my clothes smelled like shit, since they have been lying in a wardrobe that hasn’t been used since the beginning of the last century, I decided that it was time to wash them up. A couple of days I’ve been dreading to do my laundry since my machine haven’t been working properly. The machine is Finish (it’s not finished: it’s from Finland), which might not be that strange, but the instructions and the programs on the machine are also written in this fabulous language where you can’t guess a single syllable (thanks, like I didn’t have enough problems with the Russian language already). Anyway, since I bought a new flex at IKEA, which I, on my own (!), had to operate a little to get it working, I finally got the old sad machine to work. So I putted the flex in the wall, putted my laundry in the machine (which is done in a separate metallic ball that you lock with a loose little door), and putted on some non-understandable finish programme. I then crossed my fingers and went talking to my mother on the phone.
An hour later it sounded like the machine was finished, but when I enterded the bathroom I realized that my small brain had forgotten to put the slang that leads the water out of the machine into the toilet. This had resulted in a bathroom completely filled with water. Yes! So I took a big step towards the finish fu**n machine to turn it off but got paralyzed once my naked foot touched the water surface. The damn flex was not only lying on the surface starring at me, my homemade operation had also resulted in the fact that the water was breathing 100000 volt that went through my entire body once touching the water. Shaky and chocked (!) I finally managed to get the flex out of the wall and could start to deal with the water that was filling my entire bathroom. No drain. Hakuna matata my ass. I asked myself: -What’s worse? Washing your sheets in a tub in Botswana or getting killed while doing laundry in “modern” st. Petersburg?

New Feet Wanted

Nya skor=Gamla fötter
Aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj… Ingen fara, de e bara jag som kommer gående i mina grymt obekväma skor. Måste ge riktigt mycket cred till alla ryska donnor som klara gå hela dan, spelar ingen roll hur långt, i klackar aldrig mindre än 10 centimeter (mina fötter såg ut så här för nån da sen). Själv går jag nu till jobbet i gympadojjor och när jag väl kommer till entren bytar jag till mina ”advokat firma skor”. Våra vakter viker sig dubbla varje gång men det kan jag bjuda på, det gör i alla fall inte lika ont! Ni vet vad man säger; vill man vara fin får man lida pin! Tror jag har förstått innebörden av det nu… Killar, klaga aldrig; vi har det värre. Period.
Wanted:New feet!
New shoes= Old feet

Aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj aj… What’s that? Oh, it’s only me making my way through the city in my awfully uncomfortable shoes. Have to give an enormous amount of credit to the Russian girls that are able to walk the whole day, no matter how far, in heels no less than 10 centimeters (my feet were looking like this a couple of days ago after wearing a peer of new shoes). Personally I’m now walking to work wearing sneakers, and once I’m entering the building I change to my “law firm shoes”. Our guards are cracking themselves up but I can give them that one, at least is not as painful! A Swedish saying goes; “Om man vill vara fin får man lida pin!”, meaning “If you want to look good you gotta suffer!” think I got the meaning of that one now Guys, don’t ever complain: we’ve got it worse than you do. Period.

I need a soldier!!!

Wherever you turn in St. Pete there are soldiers. Not angry-looking with guns and stuff, but in fancy uniforms working as guards for, for example, palaces and government houses. There are many types of them. Some are young, like this fellow on the picture, giving a helping hand to an old lady, how sweet and gulligt! Some are looking like kids, wearing navy uniforms (apparently is some kind of navy school you can attend instead of secondary school and gymnasium)
Some soldiers are not that fortunate. They sit along the fancy streets without legs and arms, using skateboards and other things to move around and begging the tourists for money. They all wear their entire uniform. It’s terrible to see. How can you send your people out in war and when they return you just leave them lying? I hope the young soldiers that are walking the streets, looking happy and helping old ladies, will get a better future. And of course they will, this isn’t Soviet any more.

Street Kids

It is definitely true that not all children had as good childhood as we’ve had. Kids should have parents that love them, kids should be playing around not worrying about more than when they going to have their next ice-cream. Kids should go to bed with Mickey Mouse sheets and with fake stars shining in the ceiling, kids should be happy and cared for!
Kids shouldn’t live in underground pipes or in abandoned buildings. Kids shouldn’t have to beg for food or money, wearing dirty clothes and shoes were you can see the toes sticking out. Kids shouldn’t be high from sniffing glue or shooting up H in their skinny arms. And kids shouldn’t get kids of their own, after offering their bodies to survive another night or day on the streets.Whether they should or not, this is the cruel reality in cities like St. Petersburg. You don’t see them much, not here in the center. But if you travel a few stops with the metro they will be everywhere. Many of them doesn’t know anything else than living on the street, and run back to the streets once, or if, they are taken to a shelter. Yesterday a small girl, maybe 14, asked me for some money. She looked like hell, high and skinny with dirt in her entire face. She was also very pregnant. Never felt that much for anybody in my whole life. Looking at her I just wanted to cry. Where the hell is she gonna give birth to her kid, what is she gonna do with it. Right now it might be warm here, but in the winter-it’s freezing!!
Last weekend some of them stole my phone on the metro. They squeezed around me, many of them, with their small hands everywhere. And they are good, professionals. I know they not gonna use the phone or money for food, but I hope it could help them be happy, if even for 5 minutes. Eish I feel so spoiled, we have everything we wish for, they haven’t got nothing! And they are kids! If there is anything we could do to help them we should, it’s awful.
Sorry to bring this up on you, but I think we shoul all know about it. It’s a 2 hours flight from home!!
Kramar Anna

Mr Evil

Mr. Evil is a Russian (thankfully) net artist who, through his pictures, publishes his own view of the Russian society. Some of them are really awful and mirrors only stereotypic thinking and prejudices about Russia, far from reality. I still wanted to show them though because many of them are actually, to some extend, telling the truth about the Russians and their view upon life. And other pictures are just totally real and crack me up, like the one with the lady guarding the public toilets. The price is the double for tourists; and in Russia is like that everywhere. At theatres, buses, cathedrals… .. Gotta be rich 2 b a tourist!

Driving Licens on E- Bay

scroll down 4 english

Efter att fått höra att bilolyckor låg på andra plats över att döda flest människor per år trodde jag att Botswana var det sista land jag någonsin skulle vilja köra bil i (ocskå då de kör på ”fel” sida av vägen). Måste dock saga att Ryssland slåss om den första platsen just nu. Folk kör verkligen som galningar! Dom ligger på tutan, har plattan i mattan, kör på trottoarer, bromsar skriker, och framför allt: störst går alltid först! De giganstiska svarta bilarna som rullar fram längs med Nevsky Prospect kör inte bara fort, de har även tonade rutor, läs alla rutor (tydligen är detta förbjudet enligt lag men man kan, som alltid, betala en viss summa till farbror polis för att lösa detta problem). Detta gör att det är omöjligt att, till exempel vid ett övergångställe, få ögonkontakt med förare för att se om de kommer att stanna eller ej. I början litade jag på grön gubbe när jag var ute och strosade, DE gör jag inte längre. Gillar dock att de har klockor som räknar ner när det blir grönt, frågan är om man, i höga smala klackar, hinner över när det bara e 7 sekunder kvar?
Frågade en tjej idag på jobbet om hon hade körkort. Det hade hon men la snabbt till ”but I’m a terribly poor driver, I would never have past the tests”. Så hur fick du ditt körkort då frågade jag förfärat (då jag insåg att henne kan man möta var som helst!). ”I bought it, like everybody does”. Tydligen fixar staten så att näst intill ingen klarar körkorttesten och tvingas således köpa dessa. Piece of cake, bought it on e-bay.
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After I heard that car accidents is occupying number 2 of killing most people in the country every year, I thought that Botswana was the last country I would ever want to drive a car in (in addition to the fact that they drive on the “wrong” side of the road). Have to say that Russia is fighting for that top position right now. People are really driving like crazy! They are on the horn constantly, they never let go of the gas, they drive on the sidewalks, breaks are screaming and above all: Biggest always go first! These giant black cars that are occupying Nievsky Prospect do not only drive fast, they also have black windows, read all windows (apparently this is prohibited but, as always, you just have to pay the cops some to solve that problem)! Hence it’s impossible to get any eye contact with drivers at for instance crossings, to know whether they are going to stop or not. In the beginning of my stay I trusted the green guy while out walking, that I don’t do anymore. I do like that they got a timer at crossings that is counting down when it becomes green, the question is: Is it possible to make it, in high heels, across the street, if it’s only 7 seconds left?
I was talking to a girl at the office the other day and asked her if she had a license. She had but added quickly “but I’m a terribly poor driver, I would never have past the tests”. So how you got your license I asked terrified (after realizing that I could meet her anywhere in a car)! “I bought it, like everybody does”. Apparently the state makes the tests so hard that almost nobody can pass them and therefore has to buy them. Piece of cake, bought it on e-bay.